I like order. I make my bed every morning, as soon as I get out of it. I even fold my underwear. When I start something new, like an exercise regime or a meditation practice, I like to start on Mondays. And so, when I promised myself I would start a blog, I knew I needed to start when it was the right time for starting. Since it’s June 1, today seems right.
Knowing I was going to post tonight though, has created a lot more anxiety that I expected. What would I write about? Would it be good enough to publish? What if someone read it and thought it was stupid? What if they thought I were stupid? What if I was stupid? What was I thinking? How could I possibly do this? Who would even read it? Why bother? I went through a full range of emotions in a matter of seconds. And, I almost gave up.
But, I didn’t. Even though I know this post isn’t perfect. In fact, it might not even be interesting. But, it’s a beginning and it’s a statement that I will not be stopped by fear. Just because it’s not exactly what I want it to be, I’m not going to wait. It’s the right time to start and I’m jumping in even if the water is cold. My blog is going to be trial and error and tweaking and improving and frustrating, repeating cycles of habit until I break through to the next stage and begin again. I hope that it will be punctuated with brilliant observations, relentless opinions, silly jokes and practical wisdom.
So, welcome to the few minutes in the morning before the bed is made, catching me with a pile of unfolded clothes. I’m approaching this forum as a place where I can practice and prototype and work through the fear and anxiety to the ideas that are underneath. I’m going to take some risks, stretch myself and build a soapbox on which to stand tall.